Hey bet you didn’t realize how awesome this upcoming sports weekend is. Fear not! We have you covered ranked on every event, starting with the worst:
The Belmont Stakes: We had a chance at a Triple Crown but in case you didn’t hear yet, I’ll Have Another was forced into retirement this afternoon with a bum leg. By all accounts this was one of the shadiest runs by a horse ever so this really isn’t a loss for sports fans.
Stanley Cup Finals, Game Five: The Kings are undefeated on the road during the playoffs and we don’t expect that to change. Los Angeles will bring home the greatest trophy in all of sports for the first time in franchise history. We really feel bad for hockey. A great start to the playoffs was sabotaged by a lack of superstars in the later rounds as well as the NBA’s success.
NCAA Baseball Super Regionals: We’re a bit biased, admittedly, being graduates from TCU and all. There’s a great rematch though between TCU and number two overall seed UCLA. It stems from their battle two years ago in the semifinal of the College World Series. While lacking any “star” the Frogs have a deep pitching staff to go with a suddenly sizzling lineup whose bats woke up after an opening loss to Ole Miss in the first game of the College Station regional. Since then the Frogs have rattled off 50 runs in five games.
Prometheus Opening: Indulge your inner sci-fi nerd.
French Open Final Featuring Djokovic/Nadal: This match is a BIG DEAL based on everything that’s happened in the last 12 months and speaks to what a great weekend it is that it’s only number three on this list. Last year Federer upset the Djokster in the semis so we were robbed of a clay court meeting between him and Nadal which sucked because Djokovic so thoroughly dominated the rest of the calendar. This will be the most fascinating meeting of their recent rivalry, given that it is by far Nadal’s best surface. If ever Nadal was going to end Djokovic’s astonishing run, it will happen in the French. Also: if the epic Australian Open final was any indication, this is going to be a very special match. A must-watch for any true sports fan.
Euro 2012 Opening Weekend: This by rights should be number one on the list. It’s by far the best international soccer competition, World Cup included. The talent in Europe is at an all-time high right now and there will be no shortage of great games, most especially from the the group of death that features four teams in the top ten of the world rankings (Denmark, Portugal, Germany, and Netherlands). There are three must-watch games this weekend (Netherlands vs Denmark, German vs Portugal, and Spain vs Italy). The tournament is made more fascinating by the fact that should Spain win, they’ll go down as the best dynasty in any sport, having won consecutive European tournaments and the World Cup in a span of five years. The two favorites to knock them are off Germany and Netherlands. Your sleepers are France, Croatia, and Russia. Several of the teams feature recognizable stars as well if that’s what you’re looking for (England with Rooney, Sweden with Ibrahimovic, and Portugal with the best player in the world right now Cristiano Ronaldo). Our pick is the Netherlands to spoil Spain’s dream run.
NBA Eastern Conference Finals, Game Seven: It has to be pretty big circumstances to unseat a major soccer event like the Euros, but that’s exactly what’s at stake in this game seven. The future of the NBA for the next five years very well may be decided, what with the rumors of a potential Heat breakup if they don’t advance. We’re looking to LeBron to repeat his game six masterpiece and for the Heat to move on to face an exciting OKC team that has no care in the world who they face. It also has potential ramifications on the Boston side as well. Could a devastating loss spell the end of the big three era sending either KG or Ray Allen into retirement? Would Doc Rivers walk away from the team in order to spend more time with his family? There are lots of “what if” questions that will be resolved based on the result of this game. It will affect the sports world in a big way during the next 12 months and is the can’t-miss sporting event of the weekend.
So I decided a unique way to spin the NBA power rankings today was to compare all the teams right now to the best (and worst) films of 2011 as judged by me, a not at all qualified film critic. Although probably not fair, I decided to divide it right down the middle with my 15 worst movies describing the 16-30 teams and my 15 best movies describing teams 1-15. Feel free to tell me what an idiot I am and what movies I neglected to include on either side.
30. Charlotte Bobcats: New Year’s Eve – Because that’s the official day the Bobcats were officially eliminated from the playoffs.
29. Washington Wizards: Mars Needs Moms – Because it’s never a good sign when your team’s most disappointing player needs his mother to defend him in the media.
28. Detroit Pistons: The Thing – Because that’s what Joe Dumars keeps telling everyone his team is missing when failing mightily in his attempt to remake a classic.
27. Sacramento Kings: Cowboys and Aliens – Because when you have two guys with the talents of Tyreke Evans and DeMarcus Cousins (or Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig), it’s a head scratcher to the people in charge when it fails this miserably, or maybe not to every sane observer.
26. New Orleans Hornets: I Don’t Know How She Does It – Because we don’t know how this team is expected to compete while David Stern is their GM.
25. Phoenix Suns: The Rum Diary – Because sometimes having a brilliant lead man isn’t enough to compensate for the shortcomings of everyone around him.
24. Toronto Raptors: Happy Feet Two – Because that’s what new head coach Dwane Casey is preaching his team to learn first.
23. New Jersey Nets: Transformers 3 Dark Of The Moon – Because this is exactly what happens when you spend money for spending money’s sake and also what happens when you have a disinterested superstar who hates his situation.
22. Cleveland Cavaliers: Conan The Barbarian – Because how else to describe what Kyrie Irving is doing in his first season as a pro?
21. Golden State Warriors: The Big Year – Because that’s what it always seems like the Warriors are posed for until they’re not.
20. New York Knicks: Green Lantern – Because throwing ridiculous amounts of money at your lack of a real star always works out well. Not.
19. Milwaukee Bucks: Sucker Punch – Because that’s how we feel every time Andrew Bogut goes down with another season-ending injury.
18. Orlando Magic: Tower Heist – Because that’s exactly what’s going to happen when one of the teams in the major markets swoops in to land Dwight Howard. Also: overspending for a supporting cast is the worst idea ever.
17. Utah Jazz: Glee The 3D Concert Movie – Because that’s the emotion I still feel knowing the Jazz got rid of their HOF coach and franchise superstar last year within the span of a couple of weeks.
16. Boston Celtics: Hangover Part II – Because going with the exact same formula that helped you win a couple of years ago never works out just as successfully the next time.
15. San Antonio Spurs: War Horse – Because we can think of no better nickname for this team while under Gregg Popovich. Not going to win any trophies this year though.
14. Houston Rockets: Moneyball – Because, duh.
13. Minnesota Timberwolves: Hugo – Because who knew something this fun could actually be this good?
12. Los Angeles Lakers: Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2 – Because all good things must come to an end. Finally.
11. Memphis Grizzlies: Bridesmaids – Because surprisngly good is always the best kind of good.
10. Atlanta Hawks: Mission Impossible 4 Ghost Protocol – Because that’s what the Hawks have in front of them if they ever want to be known as anything other than the most underachieving team of the 2010s.
9. Philadelphia 76ers: The Descendants – Because the Sixers need to find out that they inherited a bagillion acres of Hawaii’s finest real estate in order to figure out their own destiny as well = not happening.
8. Indiana Pacers: The Interrupters – Because this is exactly the role the Pacers were born to play in the Eastern Conference the next couple of years, preventing at least one gang fight between the Heat and Bulls.
7. Dallas Mavericks: The Help – Because despite seeming to be not deserving of the hype, it’s way better than you think it is.
6. Denver Nuggets: 13 Assassins – Because I can think of no better nickname for this roster the Nuggets have assembled.
5. LA Clippers: Midnight In Paris – Because it’s the best product we’ve seen from this organization in years (ditto: Woody Allen). Still can’t tell if it’s real life or fantasy though.
4. Portland Trailblazers: Drive – Because was there anything as shockingly good this year? The answer is no, no there’s not.
3. Chicago Bulls: The Artist – Because, at the moment, that’s the single best description of what Derrick Rose becomes on a basketball court.
2. Miami Heat: Take Shelter – Because that’s what the rest of the team’s in the Eastern Conference are going to need to do come playoff time, Chicago included.
1. Oklahoma City Thunder: Tree Of Life – Because it’s probably the best, but it’s always open for debate.