Tag Archives: Imagination

Repercussions Of An NBA Champion

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This is a new experiment where I try to imagine a world in which each of the remaining NBA playoff teams goes on to win the NBA title this year.  Apologies to all Sixers and Pacers fans, you have no chance and are therefore excluded from my four fantasy worlds.  Without further or do, take a trip into my beautiful dark twisted fantasy.

[time traveling one month ahead]

San Antonio Spurs

And thus begins a summer where one of the biggest decisions in NBA history will be made.  Will Tim Duncan choose to come back and play for the Spurs after winning his fifth NBA title on an expiring contract?  The Spurs have the potential to go on another dynasty run.  The championship squad loses only Danny Green and Boris Diaw to free agency, both of whom would likely re-sign at discounted prices.  The rest of the team is signed for a title defense and the scary part is they could add even more pieces if Duncan took any kind of a reduction from the $21 million he earned this past season.  Is it worth it though?  Duncan would have the rare opportunity to walk off while on top of his sport all while winning his fourth Finals MVP.  This puts him easily in the conversation for the best seven players ever to play the game.  It’s no secret his body is breaking down and he struggles to recover from the long NBA schedule.  The question will ultimately come down to how badly Tim Duncan wants to continue playing basketball and if he wants to edge into the conversation for top three players ever.  No seriously, he could likely get to six, maybe seven titles before his body completely goes.  [checks notes]  Mark it down people, Tim Duncan just signed on for another three years and disrupted the championship aspirations of every young buck in the NBA.  LeBron James cries himself to sleep somewhere.

Oklahoma City Thunder

Kevin Durant finally fulfilled his destiny and became everything America wanted LeBron James to be.  The media and the bandwagon NBA fans can’t create enough cliches to describe how “clutch” Kevin Durant is and how he “gets it.”  At times it’s hard to argue with the logic though as Durant hit a game-winner in game two and iced the game from the free throw line in games four and six.  The final freebies in game six eventually sealed the deal on the Thunder’s first title and broke the hearts of Sonics fans everywhere.  The Thunder are poised to become the next alpha dogs of the NBA after unseating the Mavericks, Lakers, Spurs, and Celtics in consecutive series, all of whom represented the last stand of the old guard in the NBA.  There seems to be no reason the Thunder can’t vie for the next two NBA titles and contend for the first three-peat since the Shaq/Kobe Lakers.  Their success directly led to Ray Allen’s decision to leave Boston in free agency as well as force Kevin Garnett’s retirement.  Beyond this it gets questionable for the Thunder as a franchise though.  Can they afford to keep both Ibaka and Harden?  Harden surely could convince a team to pay him max money.  Will they convince him to go the Manu Ginobli route instead of the Maurice Lucas on guys who should play second fiddle on a contender but could earn alpha dog money on a pretender?  Will the infamous “Disease Of More” grab hold of this team and eventually cause Russell Westbrook to demand a trade?  Lots of interesting questions surrounding these young Thunder and head coach Scott Brooks.  For now, we pause to celebrate their remarkable accomplishment.  No seriously, Kevin Durant is only 23 years old and already has a Finals MVP!

Boston Celtics

They did it again.  They fooled us all into believing this was really their last shot and now they have us all wondering if Kobe wasn’t the only aging NBA star to go receive secret knee treatments in Germany.  Can you believe the nerve of this team?  We now have to consider them as an actual force that changed the history of the NBA rather than a squad that put together one random championship.  Selfish!  As the famous Bob Ryan quipped, “they were in a year five of a three-year plan,” and now they go off and win the freaking NBA title, defeating no less than LeBron James and Kevin Durant in the process.  There’s just something about this damn team where everybody knows when it’s their turn to carry the load and responds accordingly.  Who can forget the Ray Allen explosion to steal game one for 33 points, on the road no less?  After dropping game two, Kevin Garnett gave a vintage KG 25-15 performance to help the Celtics win game three.  Rajon Rondo did the Rondo thing to win game four with a staggering 20-15-13 line that made us all question who the best point guard in the NBA really is.  Who else could it be if the young Celtic has two rings and Rose/Paul/Williams/Westbrook have zero combined?  And then, of course, Paul Pierce shut it down in game six to give the Celtics the most improbable of NBA Championships.  In related news, Bill Simmons broke the record for longest sustained erection and we all have to spend the summer reading his tribute columns to his latest favorite Celtics squad ever.  No seriously, consider all that happened to make this possible: Derrick Rose got hurt, Dwight Howard got hurt, Chris Bosh got hurt, Dwyane Wade played on one knee, Manu Ginobli went down with an ankle injury, and Kendrick Perkins fell victim AGAIN with a knee injury in the finals.  How badly did the basketball gods want this to happen?  And why can’t things go like this for the Nuggets for once?  With a salary reduction in order for KG after an expiring contract, are they now an outside contender to land Dwight Howard?  I hate everything.

Miami Heat

Oh my.  Did we just witness the beginning of something special?  Did LeBron James really just average a triple double in the NBA finals against a Duncan/Popovich Spurs squad?  Are we sure that’s legal?  It may have been the single most dominant NBA Finals by a single player ever, with LeBron finally proving to all his critics that he really did only need one more marquee player to win that elusive title.  As Chris Bosh sat on the sidelines, LeBron and Dwyane Wade embarked on the greatest conquest by a talented duo since Jordan and Pippen simply refused to lose NBA titles to the far more talented Utah Jazz teams.  And I have to admit, I find it quite poetic.  For some reason it just feels right that they did it without Bosh to finally break through for the first title in the era of the super teams.  There are long term ramifications for this championship.  The first consequence is that every franchise in the NBA is now going to try to replicate the formula and it will likely lead to even more restrictions on player movement when the owners opt out of the CBA early, and bet the family mortgage that this happens.  Another long-term implication is that the other players in the NBA are scared.  Really scared.  Everything these players, coaches, GMs, and owners have been taught and witnessed their whole lives led them to believe that you needed a true team in order to win a title.  If two gentlemen can pair up, independent of the wishes of GMs and owners, and win the NBA title by themselves, what chance do the others have?  It would be like Barack Obama getting elected back in the 1960s.  Heads are spinning everywhere and no one is sure how to react.  If there is anything to be thankful for it’s this.  We no longer have to listen to all the LeBron banter about his unclutchness or how he has no rings.  The only debate now is how many will he win in a row.  Damn.  How are they going to stop him if he continues to play like that????

Examining The Best Possible Dwight Howard Trades

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Obviously some of these are far-fetched, but desperate times call for desperate measures!  Dwight has made it clear he’s had enough with the cougars who prowl the stands during Orlando’s games.  Orlando needs to act fast to complete a deal or else risk becoming the next Cleveland or Toronto.  And don’t even try to woo us with your fancy pants reasoning that it might be better for Orlando to actually let him walk, because of the new ramifications of the CBA and salary cap.  A no fun zone, this is not! 

For this column we examined trades for every single team in the NBA.  Don’t worry, we won’t waste your time by showing you how a potential deal between the Bobcats and Magic would break down.  We’ve instead narrowed it to teams that Dwight would actually re-sign with or those who would likely risk trading away everything for the potential to convince him to stay in the next three months.  One last note: all trades are 100% verified in the ESPN trade machine which we’ve linked individually to show you (note, they’ll show you how the trades would affect each team’s projected win total as well).

From least interesting to most interesting, we present this year’s candidates on the NBA’s version of the Bachelor…

Potential Suitor: Boston Celtics

The Trade: Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu for Rajon Rondo, Ray Allen, Jermaine O’Neal, Brandon Bass, and JaJuan Johnson

Analysis: This isn’t very likely to happen, but because of ESPN and Bill Simmons’ obsession of pretending like the Celtics are always in the mix for every player ever, we included it anyway.  Rondo and Allen are definitely serviceable assets that any team would be more than happy to land.  The reason this trade doesn’t happen though is that Dwight would never sign an extension here, given that the only potential remaining teammates left that are worth a damn would be Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett.  But they have like 114 years on this earth between the two of them.

Potential Suitor: LA Lakers

The Trade: Dwight Howard, Hedo Turkoglu, and Jameer Nelson for Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum, Troy Murphy, and Andrew Goudelock

Analysis: Before breaking it down any further, you’re going to notice a trend among these trades in that the Magic are going to try to pair Turkoglu and his horrific contract if they do decide to ditch Dwight.  It makes a ton of sense, especially paired with their demand for expiring contracts, young talent, and stars in return.  On paper, this trade works for both teams.  The Lakers get the reincarnation of Shaq as well as a serviceable point guard who isn’t an AIG-sized liability every time he steps on the floor.  The Magic get a ton of talent in return that can’t leave in the next couple years, as well as an expiring deal in Murphy and some young talent in Goudelock.  Everybody wins.  Of course this won’t happen because Jim Buss has a man-crush on Andrew Bynum that would leave Vinne and Pauly D jealous.  Organizational success be damned.

Potential Suitor: Golden State Warriors

The Trade: Dwight Howard, Hedo Turkoglu, and Glen Davis for David Lee, Monta Ellis, Kwame Brown, Ekpe Udoh, and Brandon Rush

Analysis: If the Magic do decide to move Howard, this might be the only deal among all of these that actually gets offered.  They’d be getting the whole package of dumping bad contracts, getting pseudo stars with reasonable contracts, acquiring young talent, as well as taking on expiring deals.  I have no idea why Golden State is willing to risk their next five years for the chance to sell Dwight in just three month’s time, but hey, I guess we could always entertain the idea that they’re masking a tank job and praying for Anthony Davis in the lottery this summer.

Potential Suitor: New Jersey Nets (Soon To Be Brooklyn)

The trade: Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu for Mehmet Okur, Kris Humphries, Anthony Morrow, Brook Lopez, and MarShon Brooks

Analysis: This trade is only interesting in that it pairs Dwight with Deron Williams combined with the move to Brooklyn next year.  While the prospect of Jay-Z dropping lyrics about Dwight/Deron alley-oops is a little appealing, I really don’t feel like the Nets have enough to offer.

Potential Suitor: Houston Rockets

The Trade: Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu for Kevin Martin, Luis Scola, Jordan Hill, Courtney Lee, and Goran Dragic

Analysis: I never, never, never discount Houston GM Daryl Morey when it comes to the opportunity to trade for a franchise superstar.  He knows better than any other executive that it takes a top-ten player to win titles in this league and has basically assembled an organization that allows him to quickly execute a trade at any time.  Houston is the basketball stat nerd’s wet dream.  They win with a ton of under-valued, forgotten players and they’re of course all signed for next-to-nothing money.  Watch out for the Rockets to sweep in quietly and steal Howard.

Potential Suitor: Miami Heat

The Trade: Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu for Chris Bosh, Mike Miller, Udonis Haslem, Dexter Pitman and Norris Cole

Analysis: The numbers actually work on this one, just saying…

Potential Suitor: Chicago Bulls

The Trade: Dwight Howard, Hedo Turkoglu, and Glen Davis for Carlos Boozer, Luol Deng, Joakim Noah, and either Omer Asik or Taj Gibson

Analysis: Of all the teams that have the potential to make a trade for Dwight work, Chicago should be the one begging hardest to make it happen.  They also just so happen to have more than enough assets to leave Orlando satisfied.  They’d still retain either Asik or Gibson to run alongside Dwight in the front court.  And, oh yeah, they’d freaking ease the burden of Derrick Rose who appears like he might only have two or three years left in his body if he continues at this rate.  This deal has been rumored to potentially get nixed because Dwight and Rose are both Adidas clients and the shoe company has let them both know they can’t maximize revenues playing in the same market.  We say: that’s f—-ing weak.  Make this happen, please.

Potential Suitor: OKC Thunder

The Trade: Dwight Howard for Kendrick Perkins, Russell Westbrook, and Thabo Sefolosha

Analysis: I could spend hours trying to convince you why this makes way too much sense.  Obviously Orlando gets a true superstar in return as well as some useful players.  But the big bonus is OKC gets rid of the constant criticism surrounding KD and Westbrook in the fourth quarter.  They also can then throw out this lineup in crunch time: Eric Maynor, James Harden, Kevin Durant, Serge Ibaka, and Dwight Howard.  That’s game over, folks.

Potential Suitor: New York Knicks

The Trade: Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu for Carmelo Anthony and either Tyson Chandler or Amare Stoudemire

This would be an Antarica-sized ice cold move by the Knicks.  After being organizationally irrelevant for the past decade or so, would they really turn their back on two of the three players who begged to come make them matter again?  Of course!  This team is run by James Dolan, after all, only the single worst NBA owner not named Donald Sterling.  I cannot imagine the chaos this would create on the internet and ESPN HQ in Bristol.  But the great thing is, it actually does make sense, when you think about it.  You can go to war with Jeremy Lin/Amare or Tyson/Dwight.  Also: Jeremy Lin and Dwight would probably go down as the first or second best pick-and-roll combination of all-time, if only because of the amount of hype they’d produce by invading the market in Asia.  I’d also sadly take some sort of sick satisfaction in Carmelo having to go in exile in Orlando for the next four years after the mess he put Denver through last year.  I’m not proud to admit that, but it’s entirely true.  For anyone who would eventually like to witness the internet explode, this is the trade to root for.